What if your family was more like a team?

by Yatan

What if your family was more like a team, with roles and rituals to keep it running smoothly?

Shifting from being a lone ranger roaming through the world to becoming a stepdad and dad — while living with my partner, two teenage girls, a baby, and my 76-year-old mom — has been one of the biggest blessings of my life.

But I would be lying if I said I didn’t find it daunting at the beginning.

I’ve spent many years facilitating workshops: lean, design thinking, sprints, team-building, culture building — you name it, I’ve probably done a few.

So it got me thinking:

Could I apply what I learned working with corporate and startup teams to my family?

Isn’t a family just a team?

Family Roles

In a family we also have roles, responsibilities, fears, and anxieties. So what if I treated this as a team and started looking at the “jobs”?

Kids — Their job is to develop as people, gain skills, build self-esteem and curiosity, and prepare to create fulfilling adult lives.

Grandma — Her job is to enjoy her retired years, stay physically and mentally fit, share her wisdom and energy, and feel engaged and useful.

Parents (my partner and me) — Our job is to lead the team, listen to the other members, support each other, and nurture our relationship.

Trying the “Stinky Fish” Exercise

When we moved in together, I brought this idea to the table and suggested we try a workshop format that Eva had once introduced to me: the Stinky Fish exercise.

The question is simple:

What fears and anxieties do you have about our future as a family?

At the beginning of our journey together, the answers included:

• “I’m afraid of being left behind.”
• “I’m afraid I will no longer have peace in my house.”
• “I’m afraid I’ll lose my freedom.”
• “I’m afraid of chaos in the house.”
• “I’m afraid the dogs will make a mess.”

…and many more.

These were invaluable insights that we could address — and later revisit to check how everyone was feeling.

Our First Steps as a Family

My partner and I made notes and decided on a few steps to prevent these fears from becoming reality.

Some of the things we tried:

• Dedicated evenings with each of the girls every week (my partner).
• Going out for lunch or ice cream with each of the girls (me).
• Walking the dogs for two hours a day during the first month; when at home they stayed on the balcony.
• Encouraging the girls to invite their friends so they would feel it was their home.
• Closing more doors in the evening so my mom could have quiet time.

I’m grateful for having a background in facilitation, because it allows me to structure interactions that normally have no manual — like family life.

And so our blended family journey began.

Want to Try This with Your Family?

Here are a few guiding questions you can explore together:

• What “job” does each person in the family have?
• What fears or anxieties do they have about your shared future?
• Write them down together (this exercise is called Stinky Fish).
• How could you prevent these fears from becoming reality?
• How can you create a safe way to talk about them when they come up?